


No

by domesticadventures



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coda, Episode: s11e09 O Brother Where Art Thou, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Season/Series 11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 06:24:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5406383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/domesticadventures/pseuds/domesticadventures
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not so long ago, Sam stood before one of God’s most powerful creations, one of the only beings in existence that can make him feel small, one of the only monsters he truly fears. Sam stood in front of the Morning Star, the whole world hanging in the balance between them, and he chose himself instead.</p>
<p>The thing is, once you say “No” to Lucifer himself, all the other “No”s seem a whole lot easier in comparison.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No

**Author's Note:**

  * For [propinquitous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/propinquitous/gifts).



When it’s all said and done and they’ve sent Amara packing, Dean says, “Let’s go home.”

Not so long ago, Sam stood before one of God’s most powerful creations, one of the only beings in existence that can make him feel small, one of the only monsters he truly fears. Sam stood in front of the Morning Star, the whole world hanging in the balance between them, and he chose himself instead.

The thing is, once you say “No” to Lucifer himself, all the other “No”s seem a whole lot easier in comparison.

Sam thinks of the bunker, buried underground along with all those relics of the life he’s spent thirty years trying to leave behind. Sam doesn’t know exactly what it is he wants, but he thinks maybe he can figure it out by using a process of elimination. By rejecting things he doesn’t want, one “No” at a time.

Sam doesn’t know where “home” is for him, but he knows where it’s not.

Dean says, “Let’s go home.”

Sam says, “No.”

He gets in a car and he drives, travels from town to town and says “No” to one after another. He has a whole host of reasons for his rejections: sometimes he’s been there before on a hunt and can’t risk having someone recognize him. Sometimes the town is too big, sometimes too small. Sometimes the town itself is nice enough, but the local university looks a little too much like the Stanford campus for comfort. Sometimes the town seems too much like a place Dean or John would like, somewhere they would drag him to and he would tag along, smiling, because for the longest time, how could he not?

Sometimes, it just doesn’t seem like the right fit. He doesn’t know why. It’s just a feeling he gets, some gut reaction he can’t explain. He knows it doesn’t make sense, but he figures if he’s going to try to relearn how to trust people, he may as well start with himself.

Sam drives and drives, and while he does, Dean never stops calling. Sam blocks him from being able to do any kind of GPS tracking, but he doesn’t ditch the phone, even though he keeps saying “No” to the calls, tapping “Decline” after just one or two rings. He knows what it will mean to Dean, how it will read: _I’m alive, I just don’t want to talk to you._

It’s going to hurt him, Sam knows. But he keeps doing it. He chooses himself over and over and over.

Finally, after months of searching, Sam finds a town he wants to say “Yes” to. So he does, swearing to himself that he’ll cheat the system only long enough to get himself on his feet.

This is another thing he’s doing, starting with himself: relearning how to keep promises.

He looks for a place to live first. He says “No” to everything that reminds him too much of the bunker he shared with his brother, the house he shared with Amelia, the apartment he shared with Jess, the motel rooms he shared with the silence and, for a brief time, with Sully.

Eventually, he says “Yes” to a place with high ceilings and bright paint and wide windows.

Sam gets himself settled in, and then he looks for a job. He says “No” to a few before he finds one at the local library, where he gets to put decades of hands on experience to use.

Sam is sitting at home, registering for classes online, the first time he says “Yes” to one of Dean’s calls. He can tell it catches Dean by surprise, but when he recovers, Dean asks him -- begs him, really -- to come back, to tell him where he is, to reassure him this isn’t permanent.

Sam says “No” and “No” and “No.”

Sam isn’t sure what exactly he wants out of school, so he tries any class that looks interesting. He says “No” to one potential path after another. He’s waiting for the right thing to come along, the degree plan and career path that clicks, the one that will let him to help people in the way he always wanted. One that will help him do some good without having to put his own life on the line. He’s been reading about social work and counseling and nursing, but he hasn’t decided yet. He’s saving his “Yes” a little longer.

In the meantime, he says “No” to parties and hunts and dates. He’s content to talk to people at school and at work, to get to know them, to hang out and watch movies and order pizza. To do something he feels like he hasn’t been able to do in a long time: make friends.

There’s this one friend Sam has, this guy from work named Adrian, who he spends more and more time with as time goes on. Adrian smiles at Sam when he thinks he isn’t looking, watches him fondly as he shelves books, asks him about himself without ever expecting answers he isn’t ready to give.

Sam is getting to know Adrian, too. He thinks that someday, if he asks Sam out, he’s going to say “Yes.”

Halfway through the spring semester, Dean calls Sam and does something different. He doesn’t make any demands, doesn’t sound desperate. Instead, he asks him to talk. To hang out. To try being brothers again.

Sam smiles with his phone pressed against his cheek. He’s glad he doesn’t have to tell Dean another “No.”

It feels, more than anything else has, like a first step.

It’s going to take a while, Sam knows, but he’s going to rebuild his life, one carefully spoken “Yes” at a time.


End file.
